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Family Life Home Ownership

Helping Your Child Adjust to Your New Home

Relocations can be rough on anybody – but children are particularly prone to being simultaneously excited and overwhelmed by a move. 

For kids, the whole moving process can be a little traumatic. They generally aren’t part of the decision to move, and they usually have to leave behind familiar places, routines, schools and friends – all of which can trigger feelings of anxiety, sadness and confusion. 

While you are focused on the logistics of packing, unpacking and settling in, your children may be feeling the emotional impact of the move much more keenly. Because of their reactions, this makes it critical to do what you can to help them adjust. Here are some strategies you can use to ease the transition for your little ones and make them feel like their new home is a safe and welcoming space. 

Prepare Your Child for the Move 

Good preparation is the key to so many things in life, and moving house is no exception. Even if you’re moving on short notice, there are things you can do to make the change less upsetting and overwhelming for your child:

  • Have Open Conversations: Start by discussing the move openly and early. Explain why you’re moving (in an age-appropriate way) and share as much information as you can about the new home, neighborhood and school. 
  • Encourage Questions: Let your child ask questions and be as honest as possible with your answers. The more information they have, the less frightening the change will seem. Expect them to have more questions in the days that follow your initial discussion as they sit with the information you’ve already given them.
  • Encourage Agency: If possible, involve them in some decisions about the move, such as picking out new furniture for their bedroom or deciding what color the walls for their bedroom will be. This gives them a sense of influence or ownership over the transition and can make them feel less like the situation is wholly outside their control.
  • Visit the New Area in Advance: If you’re moving nearby, take your child to explore the new neighborhood, school or parks before moving day. Familiarizing them with the area can alleviate some of their anxiety about the unknown and make them feel excited or positive about the change. If an in-person visit isn’t possible, use photos or Google Earth to give them a view of the house and neighborhood.
  • Read Books or Watch Shows About Moving: There are many children’s books and shows that address the topic of moving. Reading these together can help your child process their feelings and see that moving is a normal part of life. Some good book options include:
  • “My Very Exciting, Sorta Scary Big Move” by Lori Attanasio Woodring, Ph.D.
  • “The Berenstain Bears Moving Day” by Stan and Jan Berenstain
  • “Diggory Doo, It’s Moving Day!” by Steve Herman

The earlier you can start the prep work, the easier your child may find the adjustment – but even a week or two may be enough time to make a big difference.

Pack a Moving-Day Survival Kit 

Moving day can be chaotic, so pack a special “survival kit” for your child. This doesn’t have to be elaborate, but it should contain items that will make your child feel more at ease. Make sure that:

  • The bag or box is small enough for your child to manage on their own (unless your child is very young, in which case, you want to pack it in your car with your own bag or other personal items).
  • The bag or box is brightly colored or decorated in a way that makes it stand out from other bags or boxes so that there’s less chance it will get misplaced.
  • It includes your child’s blanket, pillow, stuffed animals and other sleep aides so that your child can have their comfort items at bedtime that first night in the new home.
  • You pack a few special personal items, whether that’s a favorite pair of pajamas, a book your child loves, their portable game console or tablet and a few small toys.

When properly done, a good moving kit can minimize both your own and your child’s stress by keeping them calm, comfortable and entertained while you handle the movers and initial unpacking.

Be Deliberate About the Post-Move Activities

It can be tempting to throw schedules out the window those first few nights in your new home – but don’t. Children need to have routines to give them a sense of stability and safety. With that in mind:

  • Unpack your child’s room first: You don’t have to get everything on the walls or in the drawers, but get their bed set up and make sure that their favorite toys and personal items are in there. Set up as much as you can in a familiar way as quickly as possible.
  • Involve your child in some decisions: It can be simple things like whether you let them hang up their own art in their room or ask their opinion on whether a lamp looks better in one spot or another. Even small decisions can make your child feel like the “new house” is actually their permanent home.
  • Keep the same household rhythms: From bedtime rituals to mealtimes, be as consistent as possible as you transition to your life in the new home. This will help your child feel like there is some “sameness” in their life and allows them to find a sense of order in the midst of moving chaos.
  • Explore the neighborhood together: Schedule some time to explore the local area, including nearby playgrounds and parks. That may help your child meet new friends and feel more excited about their new home.

Finally – and most importantly – be as patient as possible with your child’s adjustment process. Every child has their own timeline. Some kids may seem excited right away, while others may struggle with their emotions and feel “homesick” for their old home and neighborhood. Reassure your child that it’s okay to miss their old bedroom, yard, school and friends – while encouraging them to explore the new place and make new friends.

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